


Dead Letters

by Latent_Thoughts



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt, Everything Hurts, Gen, Heartache, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Internal Monologue, Loki calls out to his mother, Loki loves his mother, Loki's internal monologue, Loki's time with Thanos, Mother-Son Relationship, Pain, Physical Abuse, Pre-Avengers (2012), Psychological Torture, Thanos tortured and influenced Loki, What happened to Loki after his fall, reference to Thanos and his minions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 19:11:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17834471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latent_Thoughts/pseuds/Latent_Thoughts
Summary: When Loki is with Thanos, there's no respite from the torture he receives. What else can he do, but try and reach out to his mother?This is a peek into Loki's innermost thoughts as he tries to endure the torture at the hands of Thanos and his minions, as he tries to contact Frigga through his seidr, hoping that she'd receive his near incoherent messages and perhaps, save him?





	Dead Letters

_ Mother, _

_ My memories fail me. It is not clear what is real and what is not. I want to remember… I want to keep memories of you, but they’re being stolen from me.  _

_ I know you loved me. This, I somehow remember. _

_ Through the madness I’m forced to endure here, I do remember that you gave me a mother’s love. _

_ I’m trying to hold on to those feelings... _

_ I hope I can reach you and make you understand. _

 

_ Mother, _

_ My body is alight with white-hot pain. It feels like I’m enveloped in fire and ice all at once. _

_ Does my existence cause a burden upon the cosmos? _

_ Do I keep resisting the wishes of my captors? Do I give in? _

_ What am I supposed to do when my mind and body are drifting apart? _

_ What am I supposed to do when my soul wants out but my body won’t leave it? _

 

_ Mother, _

_ I heal well, but it leaves scars. _

_ Will they ever leave me? Or am I to keep them with me till I finally breathe my last? _

_ Are these my hauntings, forever etched into me like the fact of my monstrous heritage? _

_ Would they please everyone on Asgard? Would they spell retribution for my being the one in the wrong, for being the outcast? _

_ Would they please you…? Would you yet welcome me back if I were to sport these marks of sufferings on my ugly form? _

 

_ Mother, _

_ I wonder if these shackles are purposed to weaken me. My magic sometimes fails me. _

_ What would I be without it? What am I even now? Do I have an identity anymore? Is this supposed to be my eternal punishment? _

_ I’m not of Asgard anymore… I wasn’t ever of Jotunheim… Do I belong anywhere at all? _

_ Am I destined to be discarded by all? _

_ Am I destined to be rejected time and again? _

 

_ Mother, _

_ I weaken every day. My resolve is shattering. They’re winning.  _

_ I want to plead to them, to shout, release my anger and my wretched fears. They won’t let me speak… _

_ The only time I’m allowed to speak is when I repeat the things they’ve taught me. Horrible, savage, cruel things… actions that damn me all over again… _

_ I die a little every time my will to reject it all is taken from me. _

_ Mother, can you hear me at all...? _

 

_ Mother, _

_ Was I a fright as a child? Was I meant to be something else than what I was? _

_ Odin loved Thor… you loved Thor… who loved me? _

_ Did I hurt you because I was not your own? _

_ Did it make enough difference to keep me in the dark? _

 

_ Mother, _

_ My thoughts are stolen from me… I’m made to endure myriad sufferings… _

_ Time doesn’t seem to be present here. How long have I been here? Eternity? _

_ Sometimes, I wonder if my life force is slowly waning under this torture… _

 

_ Mother, _

_ Is this my punishment for being different? For not being Thor? Do you see me as a monster too? Is this why you never respond to me? _

_ I’ll still keep invoking you, even though I know you have forsaken me. _

_ I’ll still keep conversing with you despite your silence, for this is the only means of comfort I’m left with. _

 

_ Mother, _

_ Every moment is a struggle. I’m being moulded, and remoulded to suit their plans… _

_ Do you still think of me sometimes? Even a little bit? _

_ Am I blemish to your thoughts?  _

_ If I die here, it would be the most dishonourable death possible. I don’t want to die here, in this never-ending darkness, in this place crawling with savage beings… _

_ I don’t want to meet my end as one of them. _

_ But then again, when have my wishes held any value for the cosmos… _

 

_ Mother, _

_ I'm a monster... fully formed now. _

_ I seek destruction and retribution only, for all the things done to me. _

_ There is to be no respite. _

_ I will seek war. I will take what I can. I won't apologize. _

_ And why should I? _

_ No apologies were offered to make me what I am... no recompense was made to make me fall... _

 

_ Mother, _

_ Have I met my destiny? _

_ Have I done what I was meant for? _

_ Have I fallen enough? _

_ Have I done enough? _

_ Have I made you proud? _

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for the feels and hurt, but this had to be written. It's like, Loki gripped my hands and made me write it down.  
> Let me know your thoughts about it. Screams and incoherent yelling are also welcome.  
> *Ducks and hides*


End file.
